I was a member of the Sisterhood of Avalon when the Morrigan arrived at my door. Not so much knocking gently but hammering mercilessly, demanding to be heard. My time with the Sisterhood was coming to an end and I made the decision to accept the Morrigan’s invitation. The work before me was beyond challenging. It was frightening and I spent most of my time up to my eyeballs in shit, for lack of a better term.
I knew better than to formally dedicate myself to her because she is notoriously tough and, as I would soon learn, unforgiving. I was tasked with a pretty major project, requiring a great deal of my time and energy. One afternoon, I was grumbling and acting like a child. I tripped and fell, resulting in an immensely painful hairline fracture. The lesson? Acts of service must be done without complaint.
I returned to Ireland and the cave. I was fully prepared to venture down and deepen my relationship with Herself. Much to my dismay, that was not her plan. I was to wait outside, holding space for those who made the journey within. I asked myself why I was deemed unworthy. What did I do wrong? What didn’t I do right? Her answer was that I was doing the Work that she needed. I was indeed worthy or I would not have been asked to hold space and ensure the well-being of those whose own Work lie within the cave.
One day, not long after my return home, the Morrigan told me that I was to clear off my altar. I assumed this was in preparation for more Work and did as I was told. I waited for further instruction as to where we were going from here. Nothing could have prepared me for her answer. Our work together was done.
Even after two decades, I find my practice as a polytheist to be a delicate balancing act. My time with the Sisterhood helped tremendously, as I worked with 5 Welsh Goddesses for a period of three years. Experiencing the ebb and flow of their presence in my life and as a focal point of my practice was enriching and stabilizing for me. But at no point did I consider that any of them would end our relationship. I foolishly believed that I was at the helm. So when the Morrigan left, I experienced a tremendous sense of loss and overwhelming grief. I couldn’t understand why she would abandon me. I see now that was part of the Work I was meant to do with her. To learn that the Gods are not at our disposal. They are not obligated to us in any way and are free to leave at any point, if that is what is needed.
I realized that this entire experience would not have happened at all if I were not open to it and capable of dealing with it, regardless of the pain it caused. I now understand that the reason the Morrigan had to leave was to make way for someone else, who would build on what we started and change my life in ways I could never have imagined.
